


Nicknames

by jor77



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Humor, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 12:17:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14748710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jor77/pseuds/jor77
Summary: "Jason ran away from me earlier.""That doesn't sound like Jay." Dick surmised. "He's usually runningatyou, with a weapon of some kind.""I saw him from across the street and called over to him." explained Tim. "Then he just ran away. He was in such a rush to get away from me that he dropped his doughnut.""He's wastingfoodnow? It couldn't have been him."





	Nicknames

"...so that's why I can't go to Pizza Hut anymore." finished Harper as she walked with Tim down the street.

"Really... _three_ cats?" questioned Tim. Harper nodded. " _Wow_ , that is by far the best, most interesting story I have ever heard in my life."

"Hey isn't that your brother?" asked Harper. She pointed across the street to Jason, who was walking out of a bakery, eating a doughnut.

"Oh, yeah it is. Hey Jason!" he called. When Jason noticed Tim, his eyes widened. He sprinted off, dropping the doughnut in the process.

"He didn't seem very happy to see you." Harper pointed out. "Oh by the way, don't tell anyone about the Pizza Hut thing. I'm still pretty embarrassed about it."

"Oh yeah sure, no problem." assured Tim absently.

 

 

"Really... _Three_ cats?" quizzed Dick. Tim nodded. " _Wow_ , that is by far the best, most interesting story I have ever heard in my life."

"That's what _I_ said!" exclaimed Tim. They were both sitting in one of the 6 living rooms in the manor. Dick was in his preferred position, with both legs crossed, while Tim was opposite him sitting like-- well to put it bluntly, like a dork. You may be thinking 'that's ridiculous, there's no way of sitting that's _intrinsically_ dorky'. Tim found a way, I assure you. "Jason ran away from me earlier."

"That doesn't sound like Jay." Dick surmised. "He's usually running _at_ you, with a weapon of some kind."

"I saw him from across the street and called over to him." explained Tim. "Then he just ran away. He was in such a rush to get away from me that he dropped his doughnut."

"He's wasting _food_ now? It couldn't have been him."

"I guess." said Tim. "Maybe I'm remembering it wrong."

Dick's phone buzzed. It was a text from Jason:

_911 TRIPLE INFINITY EMERGENCY!!!!! MEET ME AT THE NICE CAFE NEAR YOUR PLACE!!!!!! THE ONE WHERE THE GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE DOMHNALL GLEESON WORKS!!!!! GOD WHAT IS IT CALLED!!!!! I CANT REMEMBER THE NAME BUT YOU KNOW WHICH ONE I MEAN!!!!! DON'T TELL TIM!!!!_  
!!!!!!!  
!!!! 

_!_

 

 

Dick entered the café, still trying to process Jason's strange text. His eyes scanned the room and found Jason in a booth in the corner, wearing a hoodie and sunglasses. He sipped his coffee, eyes frantically darting around the room.

"What is _this_ , what are you doing?" inquired Dick as he approached the booth.

" _Shh_. Sit down."

Dick sat down opposite Jason. "This is really weird, Jay." he said. "This better not be a bit or something."

"Dude, this is super serious." Jason replied. "I..."

Dick leaned forward. "You _what_?"

"I've run out of punny nicknames to call Tim."

Dick expression immediately changed to 'unimpressed'. "...I'm out of here."

"No, wait!" exclaimed Jason as Dick stood up. "I really need your help."

"With your dumb little nicknames?"

"My funny, witty and hilarious nicknames, yes." corrected Jason. " _Please_."

Dick rolled his eyes. "You're lucky I've got nothing else to do today." He sat back down.

"I've spent the last _week_ trying to come up with them but nothing's coming." explained Jason.

"How did you come up with them before?" asked Dick.

"I didn't! They'd just come to me mid-conversation. But last week I was talking to him and just... nothing. I think I've done all the ones that could be done: Timbaland, Tim Shady, Timjob, Timmy Neutron, Tim Yong Un, Timbo Slice, Timinal Minds, Tim Sum, Timbo Baggins, Timya Dawson, Tim Timiny Tim Timiny--"

"I get it!" interrupted Dick. "Jesus."

"I don't know what to do."

"You could just like... not call him names." suggested Dick.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." said Jason.

"What about Tim Peaks." proposed Dick. "Like _Twin_ Peaks. It kinda sounds similar..."

"...What if I just call him names that don't involve puns but are more personal attacks on him as a human being?" posited Jason. "Like dorkvirgin. Or goober."

"That sounds a little mea--"

"Great, so that's sorted then." announced Jason. "Thanks Dickey Rourke, I should come to you with stuff like this more often."

"Please don't." said Dick. "...Wanna hear a crazy story about Harper and Pizza Hut?"

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ages ago but didn't post it a) because it's really short and nothing happens in it and b) I realised Jason calling people by stupid punny names isn't really a thing in the comics and I just write him like that but whatever.
> 
> Hey remember Harper Row? She was pretty cool I liked her.


End file.
